53 before 53

Inspired by my AMAZING daughter who posted her 22 things to do before she turns 22, I wanted to see where my true desires lie. My 52nd birthday is in less than a week so I am going for one year + a week :) Here goes!

1. Become financially independent again.
2. Find what it is that will earn me an abundant living and be FUN - and DO IT!
3. Find romance, love and a partner in this beautiful and interesting life.
4. Travel again - anywhere is cool, but Greece would be awesome.
5. Get to my ideal weight.
6. Play in a major poker tournament again - bonus if I cash!
7. Get my ass out of the house at least once a week socially.
8. Make at least 5 new close friends.
9. Begin and stick with an exercise program.
10. Go to a museum in Denver.
11. Go to the Denver Zoo.
12. Become a healer that is paid for my services - this very well may be the same as #2.
13. Read 12+ books.
14. Start a savings account.
15. Host a beautiful party or two.
16. Make my father proud of me.
17. Eat only truly healthy foods (already mostly there...)
18. Try something that I have never done - maybe even something that is somewhat scary.
19. Improve my vocabulary so that I can keep up with my daughter :)
20. Visit my daughter at her 1st non-college home.
21. Watch my son grasp the benefits of education with zest.
22. Have an lovely family holiday together.
23. Feel truly spiritual and connected.
24. Learn how to cook (or non-cook, as in raw) a bunch of new recipes.
25. Get my yard/garden in order as I dream of having it.

wow...not even half way done...

26. Sell at least 10 homes.
27. Take a romantic vacation.
28. Go camping (yes, #27 could be the same as #28).
29. Volunteer for a cause/event I believe in.
30. Do regular RAKs (random acts of kindness) - I got out of this habit...
31. Visit Chicago and see if any broken bridges can be mended.
32. Feel 100% comfortable in my own skin.
33. Use my skills at word-smithery (is that even a word? lol) for good - blogging, writing a book or ?
34. Play more games - as a social event - and become a better chess player.
35. Remember to dream daily, quit whining and always stay positive.
36. Do something that truly makes a difference for our planet.
37. Never stop telling my loved ones how I feel.
38. Get out of my head more and take life as it comes without over analyzing.
39. Be grateful each and every day.
40. Go to a symphony concert again.
41. See a couple of plays.
42. Hear some awesome oldies music at Red Rocks.
43. DANCE.
44. Find a few new restaurants to try (let's say 6+).
45. Get my original birth certificate - avail. as of 11/2011
46. Attempt to find my siblings and maybe birth parents.
47. Take a road trip (never been something I really enjoyed but I think it is time to give it another chance).
48. Begin painting and/or photography (or a new creative medium) again and stick to it.
49. Put myself "out there" (I know what I mean here...)
50. Connect with my old friends on a regular basis - don't let so much time pass.
51. Live a non-judgmental life.
52. Try a new hobby.

and...last but not least, for myself and my children,

53. Quit smoking - ok, I agree to try again...and hope to succeed but can't make any promises.

Thanks Morgan! What a great thing to do each and every year! In the past I wrote about what I had learned in the preceding year...now I look to the future! <3

Today I:

Talked to my loving and brilliant daughter for hours - such joy!
Meditated and did some "body love" work - ahhhh
Let my amazing son know how much I love him even as he is growing away to become the independent person he needs to be.
Relaxed and set my mind for a productive day and week ahead.
Spoke to my father who sounded as if he enjoyed speaking to me - thank you.
Heard utter joy in my friend's voice as she told me of her new vehicle - awesome how things always do work out!

Loved and felt loved.

Hugs to my new "reader" :)

I branched out and gave this url to an old friend...felt odd, but it's all good. Made me look back and read some of my older posts tho - WOW, been a real roller coaster ride so it seems!

I should be painting but just can't seem to get motivated. My bedroom is in the middle of an overhaul/remodel and I am totally psyched to have the finished product. Changin up my style - it's a new day and a new life right? Making all the southwestern shit of my past life decrease (I still do love some of it, but there is just way too much). Going all feng shui in my room - we'll see if it draws the romance it is designed to (a friend - do you still read this? - told me that men are ready long before they get to the bedroom! LOL Thing is I'm not looking for sex. Note: I said ROMANCE!) After my room is done, then I will be on to many others...one of the many things I plan to do this winter while work is somewhat slower than the rest of the year.

Time to get my ass back to the gym - lesson I can't seem to stick with...

Looking forward to the holidays with the kidlings! I think I done really good on gifts this year - especially for my girl :) S got everything from his wish list and then a couple of bonus items so that he knows I'm thinking of him and who he is - a very special person imho, but one that is HARD to shop for! :) Speaking of gifts, the doorbell just rang and I got yet another shipment of gifts - wooo hoo! I'm telling you that shopping online is THE BEST and ONLY way to go! Lesson learned!

Ok, going to paint - for real!

Chicago has changed...

The whirlwind trip to my hometown stomping grounds is behind me. Reconnecting with the most amazing friends and some wonderful family members made, what could have been a really difficult time, enjoyable - even under the sad and stressful circumstances of my mother's death and all that that bought about. More later, I've about spent my wad on emotions concerning this event and thoughts revolving around her.

joyeux anniversaire stacey!

Yes, it's my birthday and I thought what more fitting a day to post a little sumtin, sumtin on my neglected blog.

I am incommunicado today (except for my adorable son here at home with me and my sweet daughter dear in the UK who I skyped with earlier). No phone calls are being accepted, no emails replied to...just me at home doing what I want, when I want with no one to interfere. I'm loving it.

Some thoughts on previous birthdays:

It's never much fun when you have to "share" a celebration.
Most people really don't know you very well and that is even more obvious on birthdays.
I love surprises, but to date not very many have ever truly been a surprise.
When you go out with people to celebrate your day, they still want to do what they want to do most of the time.
NONE of my husbands ever had a clue.
It sucks when your father always chooses your birthday to travel. (And I mean always!)
Childhood memories of this day involve really stupid theme parties and being forced to dress up as a cowgirl or some other such nonsense.
My children make me smile almost every day - my birthday is no exception :)

So...now perhaps you see why I am holed up at home just being me on my day.

A dear friend posed the question to me the other night asking if I was sure that 9/13 is my true birthday. Hmmm, now that got me wondering. As an adoptee I know little of my birth. I was picked up at (I believe) 2 weeks old from some nurse's home in Evergreen Park, IL. Given this knowledge, I can only assume that my birthday is at the very least CLOSE to 9/13 but since my birth certificate has my adopted parents' names on it, it clearly isn't the original and its accuracy is anyone's guess. So goes the life of a black market baby...

Out of sheer curiosity (and spurred by my last comment) I looked up inflation rates and found at The Inflation Calculator the amusing fact that "What cost $10,000 in 1958 would cost $73,657.59 in 2008." Wow! That still sounds pretty damn cheap and a hella deal for something/one as valuable as moi!

So, in the vein of this blog I suppose I should muse on what lessons I have learned this past year. (In no particular order.)

Children DO grow up and become your friends - yet always remain your children (interesting how that works). I've also learned how to really appreciate my children for who they are. And I have learned that my life would be very lonely without them - they are definitely my sun and moon (new tat in the design stages).
Enjoying being alone is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. And I am enjoying today big time. I've also learned that "being alone" doesn't mean having to talk on the phone to someone...being alone means just that, all by yourself - and it is a wonderful thing if you embrace it.
Vegan (and raw) foods really are better for your health and wellbeing (and taste amazing to boot). Purely Decadent Dairy Free Mocha Almond Fudge is my b'day dessert today and I am a happy camper (thanks SO much sweet boy for getting me a nice, overly indulgent supply!)
You can outgrow so many things, from clothes to lifestyles to people. And it is all good. Just go with the flow. If you don't like it today, you probably will soon.
Money...I've learned how to live with less yet still live with all I need. I've learned that it is ok to fall as long as YOU pick yourself back up. I've learned that I will always have a "rich kid" mentality and I think that serves me well. I've learned that it really is FUN to buy things (especially big ticket items) with cash. I've learned why little old ladies like to keep their cash under their mattress and I learned a new use for my gun safe. I've learned that if you surround yourself with people who are in a state of "poverty consciousness", you will likely end up broke (this little gem came from the Urban Mystic on SoulGarden.tv and applies to many other aspects of life as well).
Work: I LOVE MY CAREER! I've learned, to the depths of my being, that in this moment, real estate is exactly what I should and want to be doing. I love what I do, I love my clients (and it appears that they love me back <3), I love the paydays when they come...I love it all!
I've learned that my house isn't as important to me as I thought. I love it dearly but have learned that, as with everything, it is but a phase in my life. Some day I will most likely have a different home and that one will mean just as much to me I expect.
Spiritual "retreats" and meditation improves me and my life - I need to do more of this!
I've learned that if you don't set up expectations, you won't be disappointed. (Another reason why I am choosing to be alone today - I know I won't disappoint myself! Sometimes setting up no expectations means not putting yourself in a social situation.)
I've learned that I really do want to spend more time outside - walking, camping...or?
I've learned to avoid drama at all costs - it makes one a much more joyful person to do so.
I've learned how to avoid getting angry 99.99% of the time. What freedom this brings!
I've relearned that I am a healer - and a damn good one! Also that this gift is something I cherish and am honored to be.

I do believe that I have learned how to be happy and a whole lot about who I really am - think it took me long enough?

What was I thinking????

I'm so happy to finally have summer here - it took awhile this year! Then, silly me, sits here this morning and thinks to myself "Wouldn't it be nice if today was one of the snowy winter days where I could stay in all day - my, how much I could get done!" Pffft! I successfully slapped myself into reality - LIVE IN THE MOMENT! Ok, so I have a ton of yard work to get to, my office is a disaster, I have an open house to hold, paperwork that HAS to get done soon, a job to find and the house could use a good ole' fashioned "spring" cleaning...baby steps Stacey, baby steps. Lesson being relearned.

Sobriety definitely is the space I want to live in. Lesson remembered.

That's all I have for today - and it is all good.

Times they are a changing...

Working hard, still no income so it's time to infuse this household with additional cash - now where to find that perfect PT job that pays big bucks?!

Bankruptcy - a pain in the ass but oddly a relief. *Sigh* Now I am just another one of the millions who have been burned by the economy...but I WILL come out on the other side stronger and more prosperous - just watch me!

I will NOT give up on my career! I WILL stay in my house! Hear me roar!

Men...pfft! Between the hot Frenchman who is like watching paint dry when it comes to personality, and the LDS who writes with underlying coercive attempts to convert disguised as "love letters"...I've had enough of these losers. Still, I remain hopeful and await the return of the fire chief from Miami.

One week until my girl returns! W000T!

Seems I have been busy...

Working on my various websites, twitter accounts (there is even one specifically for real estate!), holding open houses, printing flyers (this NEVER seems to end and ink just never is plentiful enough) and dealing with finances (hmmmm...). BUT, I promise to try and keep up here better - I know, I know...said that before - this time I will try harder!

Wanna see where I've been working?

Here
Here
Here
and
Here

Told ya' I've been busy!

YUK!

Finding your office to be covered in dog vomit is a REALLY good excuse for not working. OMG I don't have the strength or "Resolve" (LOL) to deal with this today!

Is my life in retrograde?

Guess I'm not very good at this blogging thing after all...I mean to stay current yet time has been wonky of late and I miss months at a time - and not just here!

Where Oh Where has my motivation gone? Where Oh Where have all the new people that I had hoped would show up in my life gone?

Am I not doing something right? Missing some "work"? Or is this a lesson I am learning and have yet to understand?

My how time can pass without me noticing...

So much has happened, yet at the same time, so little. Mostly time has moved forward and I feel as if I am stuck somewhere in the realm of no time.

2 full months have passed...and I really can't say that I have anything of import to impart.

Business, seems better, but still no paychecks...so can I say it is better?

My girl is a temporary "local" - which means I get to see her fairly often (wonderful!), but has raised so many stupid details to be dealt with that it is more than a little frustrating (not her fault at all tho - most of the blame falls on the shoulders of her beloved Richmond University...sigh).

My boy is finally well enough to get on with his life and is enjoying expanding his social enclave - a very good thing. Now if the school would just get their act together (are my kids' schools being difficult only to me? Seems like a pattern here...). But, all is good for him since he is now the proud owner of an '01 Sebring and I am a tad jealous :)

36 hours of complete sleep - albeit odd - can be a wonderful thing. Guess I needed it, eh?

The economy is scaring the crap out of me...I don't want to become one of the masses who loses their home and works a 9-5 job for minimum wage - truly I can't think of anything worse (other than the loss of a loved one).

I'm going to try, yet again, to be more on top of this blog - it DOES seem to help in a cathartic sense.

Day 1

First thing to get working on for the new year (after the lovely task of taking down the tree) is to repair my totally out of whack sleep patters. Staying up until 4, 5, 6 or 7 am. has simply GOT to stop! I'm expecting a lot of new business coming my way this month - I want to be awake and alert. Lesson working on.

New Years day has always been a really weird sort of day for me. It's the penultimate anti-climax day (tho Christmas day used to hold the same feeling when we celebrated that holiday). All the anticipation is over, the stores are closed, and we, as a people, all just hang out (some watch goofy parades and college ball - but that never floated my boat - pun intended) and the kids begin to think about school being around the corner once again. At least I am hangover free this year, as I was last Jan. 1st. Still there is always something melancholy about this day.

Amature night - No thanks!

Tried to send out a different kind of New Years greeting to my mailing list this year. Looks yummy to me and made me feel a little unique. :) (see above)

Definitely staying home and laying low tonight. Not drinking takes some of the "kick" out of this particular holiday. When I remember that last New Years I tried to pull together a huge party for all the singles on CL, it makes me shake my head in disbelief. Maybe it's age, maybe it's simply maturity, maybe it's just where I am in this moment - but it really seems like no big deal to me. Just another night that will fuck with my brain tomorrow when I have to remember that it is 2009 instead the habitually recorded '08. But at least I can get the darn tree down and file away all of the totally unorganized papers that accumulated over this past year. I like the clean slate feeling of Januarys!

Still, to those of you so inspired to attend or host a gala event, I hope you all have fun and a safe night (and that tomorrow isn't toooooo painful! :) )

Happy New Year once again!

Been Awhile...

and it has been a BUSY while...

The holidays of course take some time - nothing special here other than to have my children home safe; the sound of their laughter and songs; the best gifts every - handwritten letters from each kid to me (made my heart melt and I would have been in complete tears if it wasn't for the silly voices they used when reading them to me!). Time for the obligatory tree and decorations to come down. Had an idea to un-decorate on Christmas eve and toss the tree on Christmas day (Yule was a week earlier this year) just to make the neighbors wonder but daughter-dear wants it all still up so, up it is.

Been doing a lot of reading these past weeks - on to my 4th book this month. I adore Kathleen O'Neal Gear!

Relearned how to knit last night - enjoyable and relaxing even though it brings out the perfectionist in me.

Letting go of people and and things is getting pretty easy (maybe too easy?)

Locating old high school friends is an odd experience 32 years later. After the initial catching up - what to say? And why? Could these people, spread all over the globe, ever be friends again? (This excludes my 2 dear friends with whom I have always been in touch with off and on over the years - you know who you are! Oh, but you don't read my blog do you? LOL)

I'm staying VERY hopeful that the market will break loose come January! New homes to sell, new buyers and financing for everyone! Bring it on!

Stupid, yet serious, argument between ex and step-sons has lead to awkward position for me and discord for children. Sorry you brought this on yourself. Most people feel you NEED and DESERVE this. I'm holding out opinion and trying to remain "Switzerland".

I worry about my father every day. Why do I think there is something he isn't telling me about his illness?

(Note new "Label" - why hadn't I thought of this before?!)

Things I Am Thanful For

My children
My father
My friends
That as bad as it was it wasn't worse
The beautiful home we live in
The food that is never in short supply
My clients
Colorado
Obama winning the election
The brave men and women who serve to protect our rights and freedoms
The fact that I am still learning and growing

Happy Thanksgiving!

Can this week be over please?

I've had my heart ripped apart
I've hurt more for someone else than I have ever hurt for myself or another human being
I've been betrayed by someone who actually said she "wanted to teach me a lesson" - ironic eh? (This one is really minor tho)
I'm very worried about the health of 2 of my most loved ones
I understand the feeling of "helpless" more than I ever thought possible
I made bad choices and hurt a loved one
I learned the real feeling of "HATE"
I tried to do the right thing and failed



But...there is always tomorrow...

I'm still here - and all is good :)

Wow, been awhile! And I thought that I was fairly addicted to this darn thing (blog that is - no doubt about my puter!)

So, what's new?

Homebound program is the best way for us to go - and we know it works

LAX still rocks my world!

Thought I had someone good to hold on to for a bit, but emails just aren't enough - not to mention I DESERVE MORE! Can't make time for me? Pffft. Take a hike! Lesson learned.

Old "friend" 'o mine...you are nothing but trouble and can and will say anything necessary to get your way - not my style - and NOT gonna mess with those I love if I can have anything to say about it. I just know that me being out of the picture makes it that much better all around - so adios, bon voyage and adieu. Lesson reaffirmed.

Where were all the trick-or-treaters? S is now going into sugar overload and all he did was see 3OH!3 - not a single knock on a door or shenanigan LOL (yes I finally found out how to spell THAT word!) Lesson learned?

MUN is supposed to be AMAZING - it truly sucks that it wasn't this time - the next one HAS to be better!

I am 100%, totally and completely addicted to the RatPack - please join me! I need more "rats" to trade with!

Casino Royale needed some real poker players to coach the actors! OMG, like any respectable player would ever handle chips like that at a $2/5 table let alone a $10mil buyin! Disgusting!

Outlook is SO frustrating...need I say more? Lesson, um, dealing with...

Broccoli with melted mozzarella has become a new staple.

True honesty can get you a lot of responses - let's round it to 100 or so. It can't get you chemistry tho. Lesson learned.

Dexter and True Blood - ahhhhh, now THAT is entertainment.

Lost items CAN be found really easily when you are best friends with a psychic! Lesson reaffirmed.

"Read'em and reap" is changing my life - all aspects. MANY lessons being learned.

The IRS can kiss my sweet ass - I am NOT the low hanging fruit!

I love my kids more than ever - I hope they know this...


So there ya' have it. A two week update. Pretty concise, if I do say so myself.

If you know this woman, no harm intended!

Guess he's not interested and ya' know what? I don't really care.

There is no emotion that I know of that runs stronger than that of being "Momma Lion". Watch it mister - you may have completely fucked with the wrong lioness.

I have renewed faith in magick - the work works!

Epstein Barr - sounds like a really scary illness, but I'm keeping my cool. Come to find that 2 others we know are also inflicted. Sigh.

Idiotic office people make my life much more tiresome than necessary - who hires these people anyway?




I received THE most beautiful gift from my house guest! Thank you! I truly LOVE it! You can see the artist's work here - she paints on silk, how cool is that? The one I got is called "Paints" (as in horses) - I would have put a pic of it here but she must be updating her site as I type - dang!

Only 5 days - but who's counting? :)

My daughter is a "Whiskey Girl"? LOL

History of "I'll be your Huckleberry" http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-huc1.htm

Not much help...still it sounds kinda adorable...are you?

Feeling a TAD better today (could it be the DayQuil?) But if anyone were to ask me about having a flu shot, I'd say, I'll take my chances...better than "I really don't want to get sick...here's my arm, please inject me with a virus". Damn. Last time for that in spite of all the people who swear by them.

Actually made it out of the house today tho...groceries, liquor and a client...

Cleaned up the kitchen too...2 sick people in the house make for a sink full of dishes.

Ex to arrive in town today...can I strangle him? Oh wait, something tells me he is already in a stranglehold by another - poor fellow...what on earth does she have on you to make you such a total wimp?

Going to Vegas Baby for Thanksgiving! Woooo Hooo!

Lesson learned: stupid spending is stupid! Think I'm learning anything finally? LOL

I don't think she's going to make the beauty pagent.....................without a face YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Good thing I decided to never say never...

House guest DID turn out to be a new friend and I really had a good time with her tho it is way nice to have my home back to just me and S. She is welcome anytime again tho!

Some weird questions were raised...but I think I'll let sleeping (or dead?) dogs lay.

Joy: Sweetness is coming home in 12 days! Best news I've had in a long time!

Confession: I have a serious love/hate relationship with poker. Counseling perhaps? :)

Fear: I wish with all my heart that S would recover...it aches to see him so weak.

Fear and lesson learned: I'm not manifesting anything here when I say that I am a bit concerned over cash flow at the moment...time to get creative! There is more than one way to skin a cat as they say.

Confession: I promised my dear friend I'd call her back and didn't. I'm sorry...you still mean so much to me and I will call again soon...life has been out of the norm.

My sleep schedule is out of whack again...sigh...acceptance is in order. Lesson.

I have so much to be grateful for. (In spite of all my whining here!) And, I am!