Fuck it all.

Forget everything I have said on this stupid blog.

I have learned nothing.

I have taught nothing.

I have simply lied to myself over and over again. Nice try. Too bad I can see through me as if I were transparent - oh wait, I am. But only to me. The ones I love see nothing but a blank wall, an ATM and unconditional love that never has to be reciprocated. I'm a thing to them, not a person.

Passive aggressive? Ha. Try outwardly aggressive. Pissed off. Hurt. Heart shredded.

Consider this the end of my wishful thinking. Consider this the end of sugar coating my life.

Truth?

I'm almost broke.
I'm 50 and beginning to look and feel old and it sucks.
I'm completely alone in this world.
My children take me for granted.
My friends betray me.
My ex is an asshole.
No one knows me or cares to.
I want a smoke and a drink more than anything in the world right now.
I'm depressed.
I see no way out of my financial condition.
I see no future for a love life.
I see no future for joy.

Oh, and lest I forget, I'm "dramatic" - sounds like the pot calling the kettle black from where I stand...yet, it is a truth. I AM dramatic. Have been and always will be. Like this is something new?